How Podcasts Are Changing My Life (Plus 5 to Binge-Listen)

It might sound a bit extreme to say that something as simple as listening to podcasts is changing my life, but it really is that big a deal. I've always been a craver of background noise, and that mostly means the Harry Potter audio books which are on pretty much continually in our house, including as we fall asleep! Recently though, I've discovered the world of podcasts. I'm probably a little late to the party admittedly, but mixing up my audio has had a life changing impact. 

Since I left my full time job, I now have three and a half days "off" each week. One of those is Sunday and is my only day off with my husband so we try to keep that as a definite non-work day. The others are the days I have designated as working days: blogging, emailing, newsletter writing, recipe testing, making and generally working on achieving my internet based work goals. 

Sounds great doesn't it, two and a half days each week to work on my own goals. However, my creative brain just doesn't seem to work that way. I don't always want to blog 9-5, I and find it really difficult to do anything creative during the day. I might have ideas, but it often feels like the words just won't come, or I spend ages faffing about and getting distracted when I try to do anything during normal working hours. This post, for instance, is being written in the notes on my phone at midnight while I wait for D to come to bed. I had the idea for the post while I was mowing the lawn earlier today, but when I sat down at lunch time to write it, the words just didn't seem to be in my brain. Now however, just when I should be sleeping the sentences start drumming their fists on the inside of my skull trying to get out and I know if I wait until the morning they will have skulked off again. 

So, what have podcasts got to do with this? The life changing factors are several-fold.... 

I've started to learn that if I try to force myself to work when I'm not in the right frame of mind, I'll get distracted by Pinterest or Instagram or back-to-back house tour videos and manage to convince myself that it's all inspiration, that I'm conducting incredibly important research and that I'm 'at work' so even if the mood catches me, the time is not for ironing and gardening and decorating. Not only do I not get any actual work done, the food shopping and the house work don't get done either and I end up miserable and frustrated that I've wasted a whole morning!   

Then, a few months ago I climbed fully aboard the podcast wagon and my outlook on my working day began to change. A college tutor of mine once said that, as a tutor, she had to insist we were in the building from 9-4, but as a maker, she totally sympathised with the many of us who wanted to work in the middle of the night and therefore wasn't too concerned with what we actually did during those seven hours as long as the work materialised at the end of term. So, I spent a lot of time while I was at college going out for breakfast, having a little snooze in the park, searching the city for new jeans or wandering about with my camera pretending to take important photos. Of course, an an adult things aren't that simple, if I spent every day faffing about we'd never have any clean clothes and we'd have to live with the wallpaper we hate for an eternity! 

However, I've found there are some really inspirational podcasts out there that I can listen to while I'm getting all the non-work things done and it feels like I'm getting the best of both worlds. Rather than scrolling and calling it 'research' I'm actually picking up valuable nuggets of information and guidance while I prune the hedges, and I often find they spark ideas for new content which definitely doesn't happen while I'm watching '100 ways to organise your knicker drawer' or some other nonsense disguising itself as inspiration! 

Another area of my life that podcasts are changing is my fitness. I used to love getting out for half an hour or so with my headphones and could fairly easily run 5k. When I developed back problems though, I had to stop doing any form of exercise that caused any impact, and it's only recently with lots of yoga and pilates that my back feels strong enough to do it again. I've been feeling frustrated that my fitness levels are not where they used to be, and I certainly don't find running a 5k relaxing yet. However, as many podcast episodes are around half an hour, I can download one before I leave and kill two birds with one stone; distract myself from my legs telling me they've had enough, and learn something new or listen to an interview with someone interesting. 

I find there's often a bit of a rabbit hole to fall down in the podcast world which is exciting. For example, I was listening to an old episode of the Blogtacular podcast a few weeks ago (while sanding the living room door frame, in case you were wondering) which featured Edd Kimber. I had no idea he also has a podcast, Stir The Pot, so I lined that up to listen to next and absolutely fell in love with it! One of Edd's guests was Jemma Wilson of Crumbs and Doilies, and listening to her talking about baking, combined with then discovering her Youtube channel reminded me that before my relationship with food went a bit haywire, I used to adore baking and decorating cakes and it completely reawakened that part of me! Similarly, Edd spoke to Harry Eastwood who has just written Carneval, a book about eating less meat and really celebrating it when you do choose to. We've been feeling iffy about supermarket meat for a while and listening to Harry talk was enough to convince me and we haven't bought meat from a supermarket since - a fairly big life change to adopt after a 30 minute podcast. 

So, which of the bazillion podcasts out there are changing my life right now? Here are five of my favourites: 

A Playful Day - Kate isn't currently making her podcast, but it was the one that first had me peeking down the rabbit hole. Early episodes were knitting and yarn focused, but more recently Kate has been exploring themes of adventure and family with some really fascinating guests. Above all, Kate's voice is just so soothing and I love to dip into her back catalogue for a bit of comfort.  

Blogtacular - I've written at length about my love for Blogtacular and the podcast is no exception. Kat  interviews THE BEST guests, as well as sharing blogging, business and creative life insights, and I've actually discovered several new podcasts after further exploring the guests she's had on the show. The podcast is over for the season at the moment but it's always a good choice if you need to top up the blogtacular-love!

Hashtag Authentic - Sara Tasker (of Me and Orla fame) is undeniably the Instagram queen and her podcast is a veritable trove of information for everyone perusing a creative career online. It's super informative and I could listen to Sara's voice all day. 

Stir The Pot - I discovered Stir The Pot after it's founder and winner of the first ever Great British Bake off, Edd Kimber appeared on the Blogatacular podcast. I LOVE it! Not so much because it's super inspiring in an online business sense like some of the others I've talked about, but because I adore food almost as much as Edd does and it's such a joy to hear him and his guests talking at length about how food became their careers and why it's such a huge part of their lives. It has meant that I've ended up buying three recipe books and watching the entire back catalogue of Cupcake Jemma's Youtube channel after she appeared on an episode - but it's also served to reinforce that I'm in a really happy place with food these days and that I might even look into making it more of a career... 

The Mavericks - The Mavericks is a new podcast by Charlie Gladstone, founder of Pedlars, The Good Life Experience and Hawarden Estate Farm Shop (all the awesome things in life basically!) Each episode is 30 minutes long and is simply a chat with anyone doing something brilliant, different,  worthwhile, or to quote Charlie 'swimming against the tide.' I can particularly recommend the episode with Rachel Kelly which is super honest and incredibly inspiring - listen to it if you or anyone around you has mental health issues. Just a warning, it might make you want another recipe book and I'm not even sorry!  

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Has anyone else caught the podcast bug? I'd love to hear your recommendations for what I should listen to next! 

My Biggest Blogtacular Takeaways

A few weeks ago I wrote a post about my goals for this years Blogtacular, the biggest and best blogging conference in the country (and quite possibly the world.) This was going to be my second time at the conference, and I was really excited to be able to go to the pre-conference party at West Elm this year too.

As expected, Blogtacular was exactly the creative confidence boost I needed, and as well as catching up with some friends from last year and meeting some people I've got to know online in real life, I also met so many new people which is one of the best things about the event as a whole. I think working from home in any sense can be really lonely, so meeting people and having real life conversations is a huge thing, especially when everyone just gets it when you explain what you do!

For me, the weekend began on Friday evening at West Elm on Tottenham Court Road. I'm not always the most confident when it comes to introducing myself and talking about what I do in person, I could definitely be described as a webtrovert (reserved in real life and much more confident online!) Given that I've been feeling much more at ease with what it is I do and had my introduction nailed I found it so much easier this year to throw myself into talking to people (the wine may have helped a just a little.) The party was a great opportunity to catch up with people and also become familiar with new faces so that by Saturday morning when the main even kicked off I didn't feel like I'd arrived at school on the second day of term when everyone had already made friends the day before!

As well as the wine, window shopping and casual conversation, we also sat down for some round table discussions about various topics. I joined the instragram chat which was chaired by Katy English. It was so refreshing to sit amongst a group of people, some with 300 followers, some with over 15,000 and realise that everyone has the same issues - the algorithm, the lack of community, being followed fake accounts and online legging shops and above all, absolutely loving what we're all sharing but feeling a bit disillusioned with it all. The over riding feeling - and one that I totally agree with, was that all we can do is keep doing what we really love, only posting what is a true reflection of us and not what we think we get us more likes and followers because thats just not sustainable - or much fun! 

At eight o' clock the following morning, I set off for the main event. Over an amazing breakfast, I began to make final decisions about which workshops to attend. The day opened and closed with a keynote, with three workshop slots in between. I found it even tougher to decide this year, but in the end settled for Kayte Ferris of Simple and Seasons' Marketing Session, followed by a session on Finding Your Niche led my Mollie Makes editor Cath Dean, and finishing with a session on Self Doubt led by Sas Petherick.

You may remember that a few weeks ago I posted my entry for the competition Blogtacular and West Elm were running for conference attendees. Before the opening keynote, the winner of the most coveted £2000 prize was announced and I was beyond excited and grateful, and a little emotional to find I had won a runner up prize of £250 to spend in West Elm! The overall, and very deserving winner was Hester of Hester's Handmade Home who's miniature room entry was just inspired, and Shahira from Afro Glory also won a £250 runner up prize to make over her home studio space. This in itself totally squashed any feelings of self doubt that were still milling about in my head - to get a bit of recognition for something I love doing was the best feeling. Plus - £250!! I'm so excited to decide what to buy and to get going with our living room makeover!

I found both Kayte and Cath's workshops incredibly useful from a blogging and business perspective.
Lots of the topics that Kayte covered I had come across, and maybe even attempted to implement in the past but nobody had ever explained specific aspects of marketing so clearly before. Since the conference I've been able to really define my audience and have a much clearer idea of where I'm heading! Maybe it was all the sea related references but since thinking about the content I'm creating in terms of 'ports' and 'anchors' I'm finding it all so much more exciting. I've even started putting together an email newsletter as an extension to what I'm doing on the blog - so stay tuned for that in the next few weeks - there will be a sign-up form popping up soon.

The insights gleaned from Sas' self doubt session have stayed with me in other areas of my life too. We talked a lot about why we procrastinate, why we're not as productive as we'd like to be and why we waste time scrolling and channel hopping and making endless cups of tea. It turns out that the reason was the same for pretty much everyone in the room - we revert to these behaviours because they're safe. Nobody can judge us based on what we look at on instagram, or if we choose to spend the afternoon watching The Pioneer Woman instead of putting ourselves out there online. As soon as we feel like there might be a risk, like we might be seen or judged - it's so much safer to run back to the 'island of self doubt' which is equipped with Netflix, blankets, comfy slippers, tea and chocolates. Sounds lovely doesn't it, but spending time here doesn't actually help us progress in the direction we want to be heading. Of course, sometimes tea and rubbish TV is exactly what we need - but a lot of the time we use these things to hide from putting ourselves out there. For me, I realised that I specifically avoid doing things because I don't feel they match up to other peoples expectations of what it means to be successful - so I'm likely to place more importance on mowing the lawn, hoovering, or some other household thing because from that looks productive from the outside; keeping up with those things is what I think means I'm doing ok! There will be more to come about Sas' session in the next few days - she set us all some homework and I'm going to be writing about how that went for me.

So, what were my biggest takeaways at the end of this beautiful day?

First - I like my coffee hot!

There was a lot of talk over the two days about capturing our lives on Instagram. One conversation in particular was about how often people drink cold coffee because it often comes before the food they've ordered and they can't drink it until they've taken the perfect cafe-table-flatly. Not me! Yes, I often have a quick rearrange of plates and glasses and take a couple of photos (my most recent post on Instagram is the perfect example) and as one of my husband's main hobbies is coffee (both making it at home and hunting out the best places) it features in my feed a lot because it features in my life a lot! However, it's not so important to me to get the perfect photo that I'm willing to drink it cold - my Instagram feed is dictated by my life, not the other way around!

Secondly - I need to write for my readers!

Both Kayte and Cath's sessions were heavily focused on finding your audience and both talked about coming up with 'reader personas.' This is something I've sort of done before but I've never actually been specific enough to give my 'readers' names and properly flesh out their personalities. I spent some time working on this the week after the conference and it's helped so much, not only in deciding what posts will work but how much detail to go into within each. So, when writing I can think - do all three of my readers know what 'reduce by a third' means? Have they all mastered backstitch already or do I need to go into more specific detail? Of course, the answers to the questions are all inside my head, but it's really helpful to have three different people of varying abilities in mind when writing rather than just thinking that I know what I mean so surely everyone else must do to?

Thirdly - Glasses are deceptive!

Apparently I look very different with my glasses on! In my profile picture across all the platforms I use, I'm wearing my glasses, but at the conference I didn't have them on and so many people commented on how they didn't recognise me. In fact, Jenny and Lucy from Two Crafty Brownies and I spent most of the day looking out for one another after never meeting in real life and it wasn't until Kat managed to round us all up that we managed it - and again the culprit was my lack of eyewear!  So, I either need a new headshot, or to actually wear my glasses at these events!

Lastly - I love doing this!

I had been feeling a bit weird and deflated about the whole online-life-thing in the weeks leading up to the conference. I had been wondering if it was the right place for me to be - when I read that unicorn smoothies were on the menu for the pre-party I must admit I had a bit of a cringe. I'm really not into the unicorn thing, my aesthetic isn't super colourful, and I wondered if that's what people want to see. But you know what - I don't think that's the case at all and even if it is (to borrow a quote from the awesome Allison who I met last year) I love 'doing me' - knowing what I'm not just reinforces what I am, what I'm aiming for and what I want to share. Sometimes that might be the insta-cliche, but if it is - it's because that's whats happening in my life at the moment and I'll continue to be unapologetic about it!

To use another cliche, if people don't like what you do, they're not your people - and I can safely say that in the Blogtacular community, I've definitely found my people!!

(Thank you so much to Amber-Rose Photography for the beautiful photos in this post)

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My Blogtacular 2017 Goals

I'm finding two things hard to believe right now. Firstly, that Blogtacular 2016 was almost a year ago, and secondly that in just two days time the 2017 conference will be in full swing!

It's totally crept up on me. I felt like I had ages to get myself ready, but it suddenly occurred to me on Tuesday morning that I hadn't even ordered new business cards yet. Some super fast photoshop wrangling and £10 of express P+P later and they should be with me today...phew!

I thought it would be a good idea to have a look back over the post I wrote after last years conference,  see how I've grown and progressed since then and set myself some goals for this years conference (and beyond!)

Last year, I well remember standing on the escalator at 8.30 in the morning, heading up to the entrance and feeling an overwhelming desire to run away! I had only just decided to take blogging seriously and was convinced that everyone was going to realise that I wasn't a 'real blogger' the minute I walked in.

Of course, this wasn't the case at all and I had the most inspirational day surrounded by people who totally 'got it'. I hadn't felt this level of belonging since I was at uni and it was refreshing, not to mention surprising to see that I actually had more of a plan formulated then I realised and that the introduction that came out of my mouth when people asked what I did actually sounded quite considered!

I left so enthused and ready to throw myself into this new way of life. I'd handed my notice in already and had grand plans to work full time on The Salted Tail. I booked a mentoring session with Allison Sadler which really helped me to hone these plans and set up a fast amount of questions for me to work through to really define what I was hoping to achieve. My ultimate goal was to launch a magazine, and that's still the plan eventually, but due to various life changes (redundancy, new jobs, family drama!) the focusing and honing has taken a long time - much longer than I anticipated.

It's only in the last month or so that I've felt really confident in the type of content I want to share, and I think I've finally got that introduction nailed. I've moved on from the wobbly 'uhm...I sort of write a creative lifestyle blog' which was always a bit apologetic, too nondescript and wishy-washy. I now describe The Salted Tail as a blog about crafting a delicious life. It's the online version of my perfect magazine, with a strong focus on craft and food, some culture and lifestyle finds (things like wish lists, places to visit and book reviews for instance) and some of my life thrown in there too as I love reading blogs where I feel like I really know the author and that they really believe in what they're writing about!

So, with just two days to go, what am I hoping to get from this years conference?

Firstly I'd like to find out more about working with brands in a way that works for me. Obviously I would love for my blog to start earning some money, especially as my plans to launch a magazine are going to need financing somehow. However, I feel really strongly that I won't write about a big high-street brand I don't want to support. I've seen a few bloggers who I thought I knew quite well and who have been quite open about their values suddenly working with brands who I don't feel match those ideals.  I'm all about supporting ethical, local or independent businesses but of course they don't necessarily have the marketing budget of the larger companies...so I'd love to learn more about how this could work for me!

Secondly - I still have massive waves of imposter syndrome every so often where I end up wallowing in thoughts of 'argh nobody is reading, my content is boring, why do I think I'm qualified to do this again, why am I exposing myself on the internet so much?!' So, I'm hoping for bit of a reboot in that department - last year it was very quickly squashed by the general amount of positivity in the room so I'm hoping that now I feel more clear about what it is I'm doing I'll feel more able to introduce myself and get more involved socially as well as just absorbing all the information! One workshop that I'm keen to get to is Sas Petherick's session on self doubt. While I was reading her speaker bio about how self doubt manifests itself I, like a lot of people I'm sure, felt like she was talking about me! I'm excellent at procrastinating, obsessive scrolling and feeling overwhelmed so I'm pretty excited about this one!

Thirdly - to vlog or not to vlog!? I've been filming my day to day life for the last couple of weeks, but I don't feel ready to post yet. I'm still not sure if it's right for me; I'm comfortable enough talking to a lens and feel like I'd have enough time to publish one vlog per week, weekly-vlog style, but something is holding me back and I'm not sure what that is. The answer to this isn't something I'm hoping to find in a workshop (although you never know of course!) but more from talking to other conference goers and seeing what their experiences of vlogging are and if it would bring something to my little corner of the internet.

Above all, I'm hoping to have a few more moments like I had last year, the overwhelming moments of inspiration and excitement, when I know for sure I'm on the right path, that I took a huge risk for the right reason and feel surrounded again by creativity and passion and love for the internet which, let be honest, isn't always a super fun place to be! Also - the food looks bloody incredible and I haven't even mentioned the goody bags yet! I'll be on instagram during the conference and there will be a couple of posts in the coming weeks about my experience too! If you want to know more about the conference, pop over the Blogtacular website for all the details!

The Salted Tail: My Story & The Name Explained

As The Salted Tail will be taking a slightly different direction over the coming weeks, I thought I would take this opportunity to re-introduce myself, to tell you a little of my story so far, and to explain where the name 'The Salted Tail' came from. A few people have mentioned that they've enjoyed learning more about me, so here you have it!

My name is Eleanor Rae Nickerson-Smith and I'm a twenty seven year old lifestyle blogger from Norfolk, on the East Coast of England. I grew up making things, and playing outside. My family spent our summers and bank holiday weekends camping on a farm, setting fires and building dens, and we had a messy cupboard in the kitchen which was the source of many an art attack. 

The happiness I found in making never went away, and in 2010 I graduated from Leeds College of Art with a degree in Fine Art. I've written lots about how important this time in my life was, and how I've struggled since graduating with something close to grief for my art student days. I didn't realise at the time how important for my soul the notion of playing was - I had total freedom to do anything (and I mean anything) that occurred to me just to see what happened. I had total confidence in myself as a maker too, and didn't think twice about trying to recreate something I'd seen, or begin to make real the things that I envisioned, solving any problems as I went along.

Today I Am Excited About Everything

Do you remember this post from a few weeks ago? I had just come back from Blogtacular and was positively fizzing with excitement after a day of unbridled love for creativity, writing and sharing.

During that post I mentioned my very brief conversation with Allison Sadler who was on the Creative Genius Bar during the day. I just sort of rambled at her for five minutes about the fact that while I know for certain I want my next move to be a creative one, I have so many possible outlets that I'm not sure which one to focus on, I want to do them all, and none of them really work together (or so I thought, but more on that in a bit...)

I felt sure after this conversation that Allison would be able to help me unpick what my plan for the future is, so I booked a Creative Business Mentoring Session with her, and last Friday I drove the 180ish miles from Norfolk to Birmingham and met with her in her truly wonderful shop.

I had the best two hours! Everything Allison does is beautiful, from the massive hug I got as soon as I walked through the door to the way the desk was laid out ready for me, with some motivational cards and a perfectly co-ordinated notebook and pencil (not to mention the de-blooming-licious lemon tart and tea!)

Allison's reason for all of this prettiness - because it makes her happy! I love that! It was amazing to spend time with someone who truly gets that something being aesthetically pleasing is a perfectly good reason to own or do it, and that if we surround our selves with things that don't make us happy we will, of course, make ourselves feel sad!

We talked for a while about what I'd done previously, and how I'd ended up rather recklessly quitting my job to pursue an as yet unknown creative adventure. Allison then said, "Imagine waking up tomorrow to your absolute dream life - what do you do?" and without missing a beat I said:

"I write a magazine"

"Yeah," I continued "That's what I really want to do, I want to write and publish a magazine."

You know how sometimes you don't really know what you're about to say then your subconscious blurts it our for you and you realise after you've said it that it is in fact quite true? I'm sure it's not just me that this phenomenon happens to. Sometimes I'll be mid conversation with someone and say something that I hadn't planned to say at all but it will make perfect sense. The subconscious mind is a wonderful thing it seems!

The more we talked the more I began to realise that this would be the perfect outlet for everything I love. One of my favourite things about blogging is sharing the things I've found, or places we've been. I love putting together the wishlist or roundup type posts, and sometimes it just feels really good to write about the way I feel about something - and wouldn't it be great to learn more and write about the way other people feel about things too? Also, I adore making - it's in my blood. However, I don't think I want to make things to sell them - for one things I'm slow at making, and for another I feel very strongly that I don't want to 'sell-out' so to speak by making things that sell when I don't truly love them - I've made lots and lots of super brightly coloured baby things, but would I make them for my own children? Probably not. Add to that that my interest in things is usually quite fleeting - right now I have a burning need to make a lavender eye pillow for yoga, but give me a week and I doubt I'm going to be wanting to stock a shop with them!

So, we mused, how about I just make what I love? Why not do what I've always done and try to figure out how I can make something rather than buy it, and write about it along the way. By the end of it I'll have a finished product I love, and my lovely readers will have the tutorial for how to make their own.

Then maybe, just maybe, all these things - the adventures, the wish lists, the discoveries, the musings,  and the tutorials will gather together to become exactly the magazine I would buy, and hopefully that someone else like me would buy too.

Of course, I can't expect to just start printing a magazine next weekend and find it in Smith's by Monday morning (and in any case I'm not sure I'd want that to happen!) What I can do is begin to see my little slice of the internet as place that's less for ad-hoc posting, and more like a properly curated online lifestyle journal!  Exciting or what?!

Now, this is going to require a certain amount of bravery on my part, and plenty of hard work. I have lots of plans for how The Salted Tail might pan out in the near future, there are several alterations afoot, and I will keep you updated as things change.

First off, stay tuned in the next couple of days for a proper explanation of how the name "The Salted Tail" came about, and what you can expect to find over here from now on!

 I'm so excited to take you all on the journey with me - I do hope you'll come along for the ride!

Blogtacular: Lightening Bolts of Learning

(Thank you to Mollie Makes for all the wonderful photos in this post)

A few weeks ago, I spent a fairly life changing weekend in London. I'd booked my ticket for Blogtactular months before, but it wasn't until the last few weeks leading up to the conference that I realised quite what a big deal it was going to be...and I certainly wasn't wrong! I sort of felt like I'd walked in to a creative, technicolour tornado, with ideas, information and unbridled love and passion flying around my slightly bewildered head all day. It was the first time since finishing my art degree that I've been in the company of a whole room full of people who just get it!

It's taken me a few weeks to write this for a couple of reasons, one being that (as I briefly explained here) we have just moved house and haven't had the internet, but also because it's taken me this long to process everything and to digest all the information I collected on that whirlwind of a day. I'd like to share some of the main things I learned, and some of the fears I had that we're swiftly squashed by the positivity of the whole experience!

There were a few things that I became increasingly nervous about as the event drew nearer. Although I've been blogging now since 2010 (my first ever post is here if you're at all interested - I hope I've improved slightly since then) I've had a few big gaps, and it's only in the last few months that I've become more serious about it and started to imagine that writing could be a viable career for me. Because of this I convinced myself that everyone else would be established bloggers already making their blogs pay their wages. Of course this wasn't the case, there were plenty of people just starting out and I even managed to offer some guidance to a few people newer to the blogging game than me which was lovely. Also, it was great to spend some time with people who are already making a success out of blogging full time, or just on the brink of launching businesses as it helped to squash even smaller that little bit of self doubt that often creeps up on me.

Talking of self doubt, I've come across the phrase 'imposter syndrome' in the past, and it's definitely something that affects me. It definitely explains why I was on the escalator, wearing an interview-worthy grin but secretly thinking "perhaps I'll just go back to the hotel and come next year instead, after all I don't even really know what I'm going to say when people ask what I do and OH GOD I have no clue what SEO means and I'm not a real blogger and everyone is going to find out!" Turns out imposter syndrome affects everyone, including artist Lisa Congdon who gave the opening key note and who I sat in complete awe of and even cried a little at because she could have been talking about me! She also provided me with a concrete realisation as to why I love writing this so much (because I admit that to some people the idea of sharing pictures of the new plant pot you've just discovered you absolutely need seems completely pointless.) Lisa talked about the importance of connection, and how in the end it is at the core of happiness. You could have all the money and power in the world, but without connection, without love, without the things that make you curious, that spark joy (like that plant pot!) and that allow to you play, you'd be wobbling about on a two legged stool and I think we'd all agree that's not a good place to be!

Another defining moment for me was Laura Jane Williams' writing workshop. Right at the beginning of her talk she hit us with the revelation that 'Nobody Cares' - nobody really, truly cares what you write about, or how good your writing is, if they like it they'll keep reading and that's great, and if not - they don't care! While this is a little bit heartbreaking, it's also entirely liberating and gave me the feeling of complete licence to just keep writing what I love, and trusting that I can't please everyone. Another point that struck me was the notion that after something is written, it really isn't anything to do with you any more. Yes, you may have poured your heart and soul into it, but if somebody reads it and takes a different meaning from the one you intended, there's nothing you can do about that because it belongs to them now. I've heard this before, when authors are trying to find answers to questions from fans about elaborate theories that go deeper than the author ever intended them to go, but which have become just as important to the readers as the original story. It's like writing takes on a life of it's own after it's left the authors brain, and I think that's sort of magical.

I also met Allison Saddler at the creative genius bar, and basically tried to explain my entire life plan (or distinct lack of it) to her in 5 minutes! She was fantastic though, and talking things through with her made me realise I do have more of a plan that I realise, but it could definitely do with some tweaking. I spend a lot of time in my own head, and something I always realise after it's happened is how much clarity I get after I've spoken aloud to someone unbiased about the situation. After I'd stood on the escalator thinking "what do I say when someone asks me what I do?", I was quite surprised to hear semi-coherent sentences coming out of my mouth when asked that very question. The main problem I seem to have is wanting to do it all! I want to write, but I love sewing, I adore making things for children, but the wedding industry won't leave that little place in my brain where garlands and invitations are made. So, I've booked an appointment with Allison for a mentoring session at the end of the month, and I'm so excited to have a really selfish two hours talking about myself from a creative business perspective and hopefully coming up with a plan! I'm already flapping a bit...I will not get imposter syndrome. I. Will. Not. Maybe.

There will inevitably be a few more posts about this wonderful, inspiring, exhausting day to come, but for now I'll sum up like this...

I feared I'd be the only new blogger, and in the end I didn't feel that new to it at all. I worried I wasn't supposed to be there at all, but learned that it was just sneaky ol' imposter syndrome creeping up on me! I learned that it's no fun to sit on a three legged stool - we all need a bit of time to play! Nobody cares what you write and after you've written it it doesn't belong to you anyway! I have more of a plan than I realise, and this is really just the beginning.

P.S The goodie bag (which by the end of the day I had totally forgotten was still to come) is AMAZING - It was designed this year by Hello Dodo and Designosaur Yeah and packed full of lovely lovely things - more on that soon! 

Be Open to Whatever Comes Next

So many things have changed since I was last here, both for me personally and for us as a country. I've got much to write about that I don't really know where to begin, and my notebook is crammed with post ideas that are in danger of becoming irrelevant if I don't get them written soon.

I don't want to start making excuses for my lack of presence, but we have just been without the internet (and phone line or mobile signal) at our house for the best part of two months! After the very drawn out and tiresome process of moving house (during which we had to convince the land registry that we did in fact own all of the rooms in the house we were selling, and were not squatting in our own bathroom as the deeds suggested) we then had a two month row with our new internet provider, and finally got connected at the end of last week. I lost the whole of Friday evening to an online shopping and pinterest binge and went to bed at 1am with little squares scrolling past my closed eyelids. Now I've got it out of my system, I figured it was about time I got my bum back over here and start writing again.

Apart from moving house, the biggest change that's happened in my two month absence has been that I've finally taken the plunge and handed in my resignation, meaning that I will be leaving my job in three weeks time with no concrete plan for my next move. Am I mad? Probably, yes. We've just taken on a bigger house, and a bigger mortgage, and given that the whole country is unsure of what's going to happen with interest rates and job security, it's probably a fairly crazy thing to have done. But funnily enough, it feels right. It feels thrilling and liberating. It feels like I'm giving myself the space to discover what it is I really, truly want to do with the next phase of my life.

Right now, all I know for sure (apart from a few things that I know I don't want to do!) is that I want to play again. I want to make things because I'm curious and to re-discover some of the skills I've let become stifled. There was a time when I would look at something in a shop and my first thought wouldn't be 'Can I afford that?" but "How can I make that?"

I also want to write as much as I can. I'm not sure of the exact capacity yet, but I love it and I need it, and communicating with written words comes much more naturally to me than verbalising my thoughts.

My best friend and I were talking about plans for the future a while ago, and she said that maybe we shouldn't worry too much about how long things last. I have a tendency to plan too much, and to think about where something will take me in five years time, or how long it will provide me with an income rather than just enjoying the process and accepting that sometimes things come to a natural end and that's ok! So I don't have a concrete plan of exactly what I want to do, but I know how I want to feel and that's a start.  

I saw a quote a few weeks back and it's sort of become my mantra since:

'Jump off the cliff and build your wings on the way down"

I'd better start collecting feathers.